Quick Update

I had my Glucose tolerance test done yesterday. It was a dreadful process. I got there late (for me, I wanted to get there by 9am) and they didn't see me until even later. I had my first four vials of blood drawn a little after 10am. I was shocked because I thought they were just going to prick my finger. Immediatly after they drew my blood I was given the orange goo that tasted like triaminic cough syrup. I thought I was going to be able to sip it over a 2 hour period but they told me to drink it within 5 minutes. So I drank it grudgingly because I wanted to choose my flavor and they didn't give me a choice. Then began my wait. I tried to read my book (currently reading 'The Shack'). I had trouble concentrating though. There were a few characters in there. One was a white trashy fat woman who walked around talking to everyone. She was driving the receptionist crazy cause she kept asking her medical questions looking for a free diagnosis. There was also one of those couples who had conversations like they were talking for everyone else. After every stupid remark they would look around for everyones reaction. Anyhow, after sitting there for 2 long hours I finally got called back to get another vial of blood drawn. I won't have the results for a week. Monday is my appointment with the hemotologist.

Referral

I got the referral for the Hemotologist. I go in on May 4th. That means I need to go ahead and get my fasting glucose test done. I know I need to take off at least 4 hours for it so I will see what I can work out w/work.

Houston, we have a diagnosis

PCOS, yup I've got it. So what does this mean? Well the Dr. R is getting a full blood work-up done, including a hormone level test and a glucose tolerance test. I had been with Dr. H before this, however I got more info in the 20 min I spent with Dr. R than I ever had with her. So I told him I wanted to switch. So it is in my hands now. I need to get these tests done and make my next appointment. I am just so glad I have an answer. FINALLY!

Yesterday was tough

But I am feeling better today. DH is still sleeping, he didn't get off until 8 this morning and I know he stayed up for a while because I could hear him turning the pages of his book. I was going to wake him up at 3:30 so we could spend some time together, but I am going to let him sleep a little longer. I am going to go take a shower and run to CVS and get some OPK's. It's about that time again. I may just get a pedicure while I am out..... we will see.

I feel like I am dreaming

I have this unreal feeling today. Like I am in a dream. It is very odd.
Yesterday morning I had a message from my Aunt that her husband had suffered a major heart attack that night and was in the hospital. She called from an anonymous number, and didn't leave a call back. I called her cell phone, but you know how older people are, they don't have those things glued to themselves like my generation does. I left her a message, and waited for some news. This morning I had yet to hear anything so I called again-no answer, left a message. Then I called my mom to see if she knew how to get a hold of her-no answer, left a message. So I tried my cousin, her youngest son-no answer, left a message. I have heard from her since, she called about the time I arrived to work so I could not answer. She did leave a message. They are about 95% sure they will remove him from life support today. I thought I had done such a good job of removing myself from family/death that it would not affect me. But he is a good man, and she needs him. He is young. Only in his 50's. I am afraid she will give up her fight for life if she loses him. So, I am sad today. This is bringing back so many memories that I do not want to think about. I am 8 years old again. People I don't know in my house, like there is some sort of party. My mom is on the phone crying. I see my brother leave, someone is taking him for ice cream. I ask someone what is going on and they tell me my dad is gone. Well, I knew that, he was in St Louis having some sort of surgery. Everyone is crying and hugging and I am so confused. I hear the words "dead" and "never coming back" and I think I get it. I run out of the house. No one notices. I go across the street, I swing on my neighbors swing set, their mom comes out to talk to me about how she lost her mom when she was young too. I don't cry, because if I don't cry it won't be real. The only person who would have noticed, even cared that I was gone, is no longer here to care.

Time for step 2

There are certain things you should do when trying to conceive. Take vitamins, don't smoke, be healthy (i.e. lose weight, eat right, exercise). So, I stopped smoking and yesterday I bought a multi-vitamin. Tomorrow, I will start a diet. I don't know my weight for sure. I know it is somewhere between 180 and 190. I am only 4'11" so thats a bit big. Definately the most I have ever weighed. I am not telling anyone. Except for Chris, since he will be around all the time and will know. Plus, he wants to lose weight too.
So that's the next step for me. Today I am at work, not wanting to be of course. I am going to work on a grocery list, even though I can't go grocery shopping until next week.

2 weeks and 1 day

That is how long I have made it without smoking. I am proud of myself.

I had to reschedule my doctors appointment for tomorrow. I am still bleeding so there isn't much they can do. So I will be going April 22nd instead. Also, it will be my first time with a male doctor. My regular doctor is out on maternity leave (go figure). I am still going to go in and let them draw yet more blood tomorrow. They think I have thalesemia. What this means in the grand scheme of things I don't know.

A big shock came in the mail this weekend. We were not expecting any kind of refund from our deposit at the apartment, thanks to aquiring a puppy during that time. But when I checked the mail on Saturday there was a check in there for $800 bucks. Talk about a lucky day! Now we can get a lawnmower without dipping into our savings. I am also going to... I hate to say let, or allow.... maybe agree is the right word. I am also going to agree to Chris getting a new pair of Ice Skates. Even though the weather is crap, we are going to get the lawnmower tonight.

I am still taking the day off tomorrow so I hope to get something done around the house.....we will see.

Another day, another negative

I was really thinking for sure this time was it. Being as I used to bleed ALL the time, not bleeding for 34 days had to mean something! So I took another test last night. Nope, nadda. One little line. No plus sign. It is probably mental, maybe not, but I am super crampy today. I bought two tests so that I could still test the morning of the 4th like I had originally planned. But the way I am feeling today I probably won't need to. I am bummed. I really had my hopes up. I am trying to make a list of things to ask the doctor when I go in on the 7th. Like, why haven't they tested Chris yet? Why can't they do a blood test to see if I am ovulating? Questions were piling up in my head, and now that I have decided to write them down, they are gone. Can't think of anything.

Enough about that. I want to try not to think about it.

I took my favorite ring in to get sized this weekend. It was the first birthday present I got from Chris. It is a very quaint sapphire ring that has past present future engraved in it. I put a picture of it up top. I know it isn't much. Where most people would say their wedding ring is their favorite, this one has so much meaning to it. 1. It was the first piece of jewelry he ever got me. 2. He did it by himself, picked it out AND remembered my favorite stone. 3. It remindes me of when we were in the "falling in love stage".

Being in love is great, but the overwhelming joy of being friends with someone for years, and finally realizing you are meant to be and living it out. Oh, it was wonderful. So, I get to go pick it up Sunday and I can't wait to be able to wear it again. Look at it everyday, and know, I am with the best man for me.

Yesterday I took my wedding ring to get cleaned. It was looking pretty dingy. It is in a micro pave setting. As pretty as it is, those small stones get dirty fast. I also had to go to walmart. We normally go when Chris gets off on Sundays, so at 7am, when it isn't busy. Because of the way my payday fell (I get paid on the last day of the month and on the 15th) We were running short on stuff and had to go last night. It was not fun. But we finished fairly quickly. I left work an hour early so I could get everthing done. Had I not it would have been almost 9pm before I got home.

I went to bed early and I am still sleepy today. I haven't been sleeping well and it is starting to wear me down. Chris has to go in at 6 tonight so I will be pulling in the garage as he is pulling out. I will miss having dinner with him, but i will more than likely just have a bowl of cereal, watch a little tv or read, and call it an early night.

*** just a note*** I went to the bathroom right after I posted this and yep, AF is here. Go figure I am at work and don't have anything to take care of the problem. Gotta love toilet paper coverage.