And on the 5th day....

I feel like I am about to lose my mind. Work is incredibly slow at the moment. Earlier this week I had so much on my plate that I stayed focused and completed everything-well under deadline. Now I have nothing to do. Building up the angst, it is Friday, and spring must have forgotten what it is supposed to do because the weather is turning viciously sour. Here it is, the end of March in the midwest and we are expecting 8-12 inches of snow tonight. WTF! Last weekend I contemplated turning on the air conditioner, now I will be trapped in by a blizzard. This morning on my drive in the sleet started, oh yay. So on my lunch break I called the cable company. I had to switch companies when I moved and on my last bill from the apartment there was a credit. I explained this to the rep when I called and I asked when I should expect to receive the credit. She told me I already had it. Um, excuse me? No I don't. The stupid stupid girl was talking about the statement. Well, hello, how would I know I had a credit if I didn't have the statement? Dumbass. So I have to wait 4-6 weeks. That will be a nice surprise in the mailbox when it finally comes. Next I had to call the trash company. When we set up the service in the beginning of Feb. they told us someone would bring a trash can the within 2 weeks. It is the end of March and still no trash can. I have had my husband calling every week to ask about it. He can be a bit of a push over so nothing has been accomplished. Of course, I had to do it so it would get done. (and people wonder why I am controlling and want to do everything myself, well, it is so it gets done right!) The lady keeps telling me we already have a can. I wanted to jump through the phone and strangle her. Bitch, don't call me a liar. Well, she say's they have to drive by on trash day to see if we really have one. Ugh. So I ask her, don't you have to pay more to have the trash can? She tells me yes you do. I ask her if we have been paying that price, yes we have. Well, we are paying for a trash can we don't have. She tells me they will credit the account after they drive by and see we don't have a can. Talk about being irritated. ALL I WANT IS A TRASH CAN SO MY GARAGE WON'T SMELL. Now, I know I am being overly sensitive because I need some nicotine....badly. But I won't do it. I have to be strong. The burning sensation I feel coursing through my veins will go away. Eventually.

Sick

I don't feel good. I need to give some background for this one to make sense. I quit smoking when I was 25. I started smoking again at 26. Quit again that same year, started again at 27. Quit 3 months later. Only to start again that same year when I was in Vegas for my wedding. I married my husband last August. We said we would only smoke while we were there. Then when we got back, it was we will only smoke when we drink. Then, well, if you smoke you know how it goes. We had been somewhat trying to get pregnant for a year before that. I say somewhat because we weren't charting or going to the doctor, or anything else like that. It was just sorta, if it happens great, but we won't really worry about it till after the wedding. So we get back and that same month I go to the doctor. I knew things weren't going to be great because I had been bleeding almost nonstop. Not heavy, just irritating. 1st things 1st, they put me on drugs to try to regulate me. That works for the month I am on it, and the month after. Then it is back to bleeding non stop. Now it is nearing the end of November. I go back to the doctor in December. They want to try a different drug, and they want me to take a ovulation test EVERY DAY. So I take the new drug. It stoped the bleeding immediately. I pee on the stupid expensive sticks every day. No positive results. But to me, this is pointless. Tests are never 100% reliable. Isn't there just some blood test they can do to tell if I have ovulated or not? In January we buy a house and we start moving in the beginning of February. I told my husband I wasn't going to start any fertility drugs (they told me the next step is Clomid) until I stop smoking. I wanted to quit for my birthday (March 19th). We are so busy with moving I don't think much about going to the doctor because I know I can't go any further with it anyhow. I bleed until the end of Feb. The 26th to be exact. Then nothing. Nada. (yes, we still have sex even though I am bleeding. It isn't heavy enough to effect "that:") I am taken aback. For my birthday I get a pregnancy test. It was negative, I was expecting it to be. I said I wasn't going to take one until Apr 4th, but we are impatient people. I haven't touched a cigarrette since Sunday (22nd). Just in case. Not just that. For me, for my health. When April 4th comes around, if I still haven't started I am taking another test. I am going back to the doctor April 7th. But, back to not feeling good. I didn't feel good yesterday afternoon either. I have the heartburny-thowuppy-nasty burps. I am queasy as well. I am questioning if I am just ill, maybe it's "afternoon sickness", or maybe it is withdrawal symptoms. Who knows, but I do not like it.

Dreams

Last night I had a dream I arrived at work and found I needed to go home for something. In my dream I lived fairly close to home so I decided to walk, it took me about 30 min to get home. On my way I walked through an auto shop and saw my ex sweeping the lot. It put me in a horrible mood. When I got home my husband was there practicing his speech in the mirror (I've been playing the sims too much) I took my shoes off when I came in and when it was time to leave I couldn't find them. (I don't remember what I was looking for in the 1st place) I called work and told them I sprained my ankle so I would be really late, why I lied I don't know. I was so mad at my husband because I didn't feel he was helping me look for them. It wasn't my house in this dream. It was like some 4 room run down shack that had a table, a beat up couch, and a mattress on the floor. Finally I wanted to leave, I don't remember if I ever found my shoes or not. I asked my husband to give me a ride back to work. When I got out and was walking in I saw these two men beating up a pregnant lady. Then the guy attacked me. I screamed for my husband and somehow he heard and he came running. I asked him to beat the guy up but he decided he would trick the guy into following him somewhere. When we rounded a corner there were these "bros" there and they pepper sprayed the "thugs". Then my hubby was mad at me cause somehow I got in the middle of some police investigation. The cops weren't mad though. They gave us these large gold coins as a good citizen thing and they were good for 1 day off work. I was glad because I was so late to work by now I needed it. The catch was you had to go in and give it to your boss to use it. So my husband left and I realized I was at my old job. I went to call him but I didn't have my phone. I figured I would just walk it. So I was walking down the road and this school bus with police sirens zips around the corner chasing kids, it was the skipping school police. (random) So I continue walking and I get to a deserted highway. There is a group of people on the side of the road. 2 boys, 1 girl. I smile and nod and continue on my way. I hear them snickering in the background and one of the boys comes to attack me. I am fighting him in the middle of the road and a truck comes driving up. The guy in the truck gets out and start talking to the other guy that was attacking me. He is being friendly and joking with them so I stole his truck. As I was trying to adjust the seat and drive off the guy that was attacking me jumps in. I drive off anyhow and we notice there is a baby in the back seat. The guy is weird. he thinks he is in love with me. I figure the only way out of this is to act like I like him too. We drive to a place that was much like a college campus. He is embarrassing me everywhere we go. He ends up talking to a group of people, almost like teaching a class. I run off during this time. I am running through halls and office type areas and I notice he is chasing me. I start calling his name, acting like I am looking for him, as I was afraid of what would come of it if he thought I was running away from him. So I let him find me and we head back to the truck. When we get there, there is a cop waiting for us because we had left the baby inside the vehicle. We hop in and take off leaving the cop in the dust. The guy is telling me to be careful because there are other cops in the parking lot. I act like I am all nervous and jump curves to get the other cops attention. It didn't work, and we are headed to a 7-11 and that is all I remember.